Crap for a Buck

Old-fashioned artificially-flavored hard candies
October 22, 2010, 10:04 pm
Filed under: Review

Just hard candies

If there’s one thing old people like, it’s Matlock.

If there are two things old people like, it’s Matlock and hard candy.

Grandchildren of the world…beware.


Rap Grillz
October 19, 2010, 8:48 pm
Filed under: Review


2005 called. They want their weak-ass hip-hop trend back.

1999 called. They want their Bond villain back.

1640 called. They want to laugh at us for our awful dental practices.

Okay, I’m done.

Hanging feathered “Diva” sign
September 16, 2010, 4:02 am
Filed under: Review

I had to fight off Diana Ross, Aretha Franklin and Beyonce to get the last of these “Diva” signs. Because everyone knows that real divas like shitty plastic signs with fake purple feathers falling off them. Wait…did I say “divas”? I meant “crazy bitches with no taste.”

Fake winning scratch-off lottery tickets
September 3, 2010, 4:53 am
Filed under: Review

Because there’s nothing funnier than watching the disappointment wash over your loved one’s face as they’re reminded that they’re still poor.

Training Bra Weirdness
August 24, 2010, 1:15 am
Filed under: Review

No, as a man of almost 30, I didn’t feel weird buying a training bra at a dollar store.

I would have felt weird if I’d bought 10 of them. 1 = normal(ish).

Once I made a point of informing the clerk (and repeating for her manager) that I was buying the training bra for the typo in the the text on it, and assuring them that I was in no way required to register with local authorities when I changed addresses, we all had quite a laugh.

I mean seriously…Who prints “Myn Dog Walks All Over Me” on a training bra?  That’s just weird.

Weird Statue Wednesday: Mardi Gras masks
August 19, 2010, 3:03 am
Filed under: Review

dramamasksFat Tuesday comes but once a year, but hanging these weird-ass masks in your bathroom will terrify you year-round, every time you turn on the light for a midnight pee.

Plus, you can’t tell this from the picture, but they’re each about the size of a fat man’s hand, which makes them even creepier for some reason. Like they’re made for shrunken heads. NOW try to pee, with a shrunken-head-mini-death-mask staring fixedly at your junk. Can’t do it, can you?

Green accountant/poker player visor
August 19, 2010, 2:51 am
Filed under: Review


To all accountants/poker players shopping at the dollar store, I have two things to say to you:

1) Check out this crappy visor!

2) If you were a better accountant/poker player, maybe you wouldn’t need to shop at the dollar store. Maybe you could have nice things instead.